Viktoria was there via our mutual 24 year old friend, and she brought with her a small posse of work friends. She’s always caught my attention – tall, glowing complexion, a Stephanie Rice look-alike minus the swimmers shoulders. And Friday night, compared to the rare occasions I’d met her before, she was the life of the party.
We struck up a conversation, ice broken by our shared taste in Coopers Pale Ale. While making chit-chat her friends kept gravitating around us, so I made a simple comment, “you must be the leader of your friends, they’re jealous of me talking to you.”
“Ha ha, no I’m not,” embarrassment showing in her response, “I’m not usually out much, well until recently.”
“Really, why not?” I enquired.
“It’s actually a long story,” she replied.
“Go ahead, I’m intrigued,” I encouraged.
She started to tell me, “Ok, well I was making breakfast about 3 weeks ago.”
I laughed, probably too loudly in hindsight, but I thought it was a sign of some quirky humour, and I said, “right, this really IS a long story.”
“Noooo,” she said, “I’m serious,” urging me to listen.
A bit surprised, I adjusted my pose to accept this “serious” information. She took that as an indication of my interest and after a pause of assessment continued, “I was making breakfast and for some reason I turned the toaster setting to 5 instead of 3 – it was a totally unconscious act. The toast pops and it’s burnt. My breakfast ritual was light brown toast with butter and vegemite, EVERY morning.”
She made an emphasis on the EVERY part and continued, “I was disappointed but didn’t want to waste it, so I ate a dissatisfying breakfast. I went to work, totally unenthused by my day, but there was a slight difference. I usually break at 2pm for a piccolo latte and a raspberry friand. Then 2 o’clock, 3, 4 all passed without a thought. A caffeine and sugar break is usually the only thing that stops me falling asleep at my computer and resenting the calls from annoying Mastercard clients.”
She had told me earlier she’s a Customer Liason Manager at GE Capital, and then segued to tell me:
“Oh I had the funniest call this week, a guy phoned to ask about a charge on his credit-card statement from ‘confidenceplus.co.uk.’ He was giving the call centre grief so I took the call and he wouldn’t let me go until I gave him a detailed explanation. So I Googled it while he was on the phone, and get this, it’s a website for “enlargement without messy creams and ointments!”
She made a cute, scrunched face and ‘inverted comma’ gesture while she said it, and continued with a mock masculine and authoritative voice, “the key to confidence is sexual competence, Confidence Plus will give you the powerful erection you’ve always dreamed of!”
We cracked up laughing. She said he hung up promptly after thanking her for her help, and she continued…
“Anyway, I’ve been having problems with energy levels right. I thought it was a lack of red meat so I started buying lamb back-straps and t-bones, but I was still lethargic. My doctor said I’m depressed and recommended anti-depressants, but I thought that was ridiculous. I went to a Chinese medicine doctor. He checked my pulse, tongue, eyes, finger nails, then gave me a bag of herbs to mix with a tea every morning.”
Her eyes started widening as she continued the story, “his diagnosis was I’m not metabolising carbohydrates and I need to cut sugar from my diet.” She motioned, eyes averted in a guilty and adorable way, “so bye-bye friands.”
Then she jumped forward on her seat, like a cattle-prod had been sparked on her arse, clearly excited by what she was about to tell me, “AND, he told me to overcook my toast! Because burning the toast changes the chemistry of the carbs, or some crap like that, and makes them agreeable for digestion! My mind froze, I ‘accidently’ burnt my toast earlier that week! I don’t know what to think, but IIIII reckon,” pointing to herself as her spoke, “that my unconscious act of turning the toaster dial to 5 was the hand of my guardian angel,” giving herself a nod of approval as she spoke. “How else can I explain it? And for the past two weeks I’ve been doing circuit classes at Rushcutters Bay Park before work, something I’ve wanted to do for years, and I still had too much energy after work so I’m starting a night class with my niece next week, it's called “Making Finger Puppets for Digital Theatre.”
“Nice play on words,” I said.
“Oh, you get it!” she replied enthusiastically, affectionately touching me on the arm, “you’re the only person I’ve told that has.”
Our drinks were finished by now so we ordered another Pale Ale… together this time.
“Really, why not?” I enquired.
“It’s actually a long story,” she replied.
“Go ahead, I’m intrigued,” I encouraged.
She started to tell me, “Ok, well I was making breakfast about 3 weeks ago.”
I laughed, probably too loudly in hindsight, but I thought it was a sign of some quirky humour, and I said, “right, this really IS a long story.”
“Noooo,” she said, “I’m serious,” urging me to listen.
A bit surprised, I adjusted my pose to accept this “serious” information. She took that as an indication of my interest and after a pause of assessment continued, “I was making breakfast and for some reason I turned the toaster setting to 5 instead of 3 – it was a totally unconscious act. The toast pops and it’s burnt. My breakfast ritual was light brown toast with butter and vegemite, EVERY morning.”
She made an emphasis on the EVERY part and continued, “I was disappointed but didn’t want to waste it, so I ate a dissatisfying breakfast. I went to work, totally unenthused by my day, but there was a slight difference. I usually break at 2pm for a piccolo latte and a raspberry friand. Then 2 o’clock, 3, 4 all passed without a thought. A caffeine and sugar break is usually the only thing that stops me falling asleep at my computer and resenting the calls from annoying Mastercard clients.”
She had told me earlier she’s a Customer Liason Manager at GE Capital, and then segued to tell me:
“Oh I had the funniest call this week, a guy phoned to ask about a charge on his credit-card statement from ‘confidenceplus.co.uk.’ He was giving the call centre grief so I took the call and he wouldn’t let me go until I gave him a detailed explanation. So I Googled it while he was on the phone, and get this, it’s a website for “enlargement without messy creams and ointments!”
She made a cute, scrunched face and ‘inverted comma’ gesture while she said it, and continued with a mock masculine and authoritative voice, “the key to confidence is sexual competence, Confidence Plus will give you the powerful erection you’ve always dreamed of!”
We cracked up laughing. She said he hung up promptly after thanking her for her help, and she continued…
“Anyway, I’ve been having problems with energy levels right. I thought it was a lack of red meat so I started buying lamb back-straps and t-bones, but I was still lethargic. My doctor said I’m depressed and recommended anti-depressants, but I thought that was ridiculous. I went to a Chinese medicine doctor. He checked my pulse, tongue, eyes, finger nails, then gave me a bag of herbs to mix with a tea every morning.”
Her eyes started widening as she continued the story, “his diagnosis was I’m not metabolising carbohydrates and I need to cut sugar from my diet.” She motioned, eyes averted in a guilty and adorable way, “so bye-bye friands.”
Then she jumped forward on her seat, like a cattle-prod had been sparked on her arse, clearly excited by what she was about to tell me, “AND, he told me to overcook my toast! Because burning the toast changes the chemistry of the carbs, or some crap like that, and makes them agreeable for digestion! My mind froze, I ‘accidently’ burnt my toast earlier that week! I don’t know what to think, but IIIII reckon,” pointing to herself as her spoke, “that my unconscious act of turning the toaster dial to 5 was the hand of my guardian angel,” giving herself a nod of approval as she spoke. “How else can I explain it? And for the past two weeks I’ve been doing circuit classes at Rushcutters Bay Park before work, something I’ve wanted to do for years, and I still had too much energy after work so I’m starting a night class with my niece next week, it's called “Making Finger Puppets for Digital Theatre.”
“Nice play on words,” I said.
“Oh, you get it!” she replied enthusiastically, affectionately touching me on the arm, “you’re the only person I’ve told that has.”
Our drinks were finished by now so we ordered another Pale Ale… together this time.
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